Friendship

We had a fight.  Well, for us, it was a big fight.  We never raise our voices with one another.  We know and understand each other.  We are crazy different, but appreciate each other for what we are.  No mistakes there.   We have a very good relationship.  A long-term, dear friendship.  So this is a very rare situation for us.  I felt he yelled at me, talked over me and assumed my response before I said anything.  I was livid.  I felt disrespected.  What’s worse, when I tried to discuss the matter I got nothing.   Silence.  Not ‘we’ll discuss it later.’  Just nothing.  So I had a chance to stew over it a little.  Then as the days passed, I stewed over it some more.  Then, because I couldn’t stand it anymore, I made the call to fix it.  Turns out, he felt I shouted at him and interrupted him.  How can this be?  He felt disrespected.  I just didn’t get it.  Was he talking about the same conversation?  He was.  I insisted he was wrong and that he raised his voice and interrupted ME; treating me like a child and assuming he knew exactly what I would say.  I told him he should just accept when he’s wrong.  He should admit it.  Then he said ‘I’m sorry.’  It didn’t feel good.  I didn’t know what else to say.  I was looking for empathy and reconciliation and I got an ‘I’m sorry’ hurled at me.  I just said we’d talk later and hung up.

But then I thought a little more.  This time I didn’t stew.  I knew, immaterial of what was said by either of us, it wasn’t meant as it was received.  And it certainly wasn’t meant to hurt.  So this time when I connected with him I didn’t demand that he ‘get it’ or ‘admit it’ or ‘apologize.’ I told him I was really trying to clear the air because I didn't want this uncomfortable feeling hanging over us.  I wasn't looking for a simple and mechanical apology for the sake of getting one.  I was looking for understanding. So I said, ‘if we can't agree on what happened, let's just forget that it happened. You're my friend and I love you. That's more important.’ His response was swift.  He said he was sorry and meant it.  He said he may not always agree with me, but the fact that he made me feel a certain way is something he didn’t mean to do and felt really bad about.  He said a genuine ‘I’m sorry.’

Deep breath…and out.  What a relief.  So grateful for true friendships.