Different Better

My world has not been the same lately.  Well, to be honest, it hasn’t been the same in the last couple of years.  A difficult situation went south and grew more challenging and turned grueling as time passed. Stress and tension were with me and around me.  Pain and suffering took on a different meaning.  Nothing to do with the physical, although the effects were many times corporal and felt in many unusual ways that I could not begin to describe.  I don’t want to exaggerate it nor make it something it wasn’t.  No one died.  No one is very ill.  We are all here; but there’s still a sting there.  It was a protracted situation that has, for now, met its end.  An end that has a changed beginning for me.  I wish I could say that things are good now. I want to be positive and encouraging, but the fact is that things are just different better.   Things have improved and I feel healthier overall.  When people talk about a ‘new normal,’ I get it now.  The phrase new normal is meant to describe something that was abnormal before and is now accepted as normal; or the state in which one is after a crisis – both of which I’m sure no one necessarily wanted.  During this time friends and family told me that things would get better.  My result is a different better. Not the better I expected or wanted, just a different kind of better.  But still better. 

Generosity

We do not have to give lavish gifts in order to be generous.  We do not have to make grandiose gestures to show our kindness.  Today I was given the opportunity to experience kindness, generosity, patience and good humor from a business partner.  Nothing to be gained for them; all for our benefit.  Nothing they were getting from us; it was just to show us a better way.  When people and businesses decide that there is more to life than profits and their bottom line, than themselves, everyone wins.  I know from experience that giving is better than getting.  The satisfaction that one has when providing or sharing something, when teaching or enlightening someone is not to be compared with the attainment of a gift or thing.  Things are things; they’re just stuff and they don’t last.  When we share of our time, resources, expertise, for the benefit of others, everyone can succeed.   Teaching or helping someone to attain a skill is like teaching someone to fish….

Numbers

She was 79 years old.  She came to this country 40 years ago.  Had seven children, 28 grandchildren, and 18 great-grandchildren.  She was in the hospital for 22 days before she passed.  In the end, her biography seemed to be about numbers; but her life, a life well-lived, was not about numbers at all.  It was about the people.  It was about the people she loved and those who loved her.  It was about the hard work it took for her, a single mother with seven children, at a time when it wasn’t common or highly accepted to be a single mother.  Hard work and more hard work to make a living and bring her children to the land of opportunity.  Her existence was about rough work, difficult situations and lots of children with tough responsibilities all around her.  She never had a break.  She raised her children and a few grandchildren.  But then again, she was so proud when she talked about any one of them.  She saw them go to school and get married and enjoy lives filled with opportunities.  Opportunities she never had, but that she was more than willing to sacrifice to give to those she loved. 

The conclusion to her life was not a mere set of facts and numbers.  It was a grand finale.  It was the culmination of many dreams she had for her family.  In the end, she glowed. 

The Network

There are five of us.  We are not well-known.  We are not special; other than to our families and loved ones. We are as different as night and day.  Our families, our lives, our stage in life, our hobbies and habits – all different.  But oh so much alike.  We love each other and those around us.  We help each other and those around us.  We cry and pray; we all have problems.  But many times we are praying and crying for each other, and for other’s pain.  Not in weakness, for we are strong.  Stronger than 200 or 300.  We are the network.  We can make things happen.  We MAKE things happen.  And then we celebrate; the tiny wins and the huge victories.

Many times we are asked why?  What makes us different?  What makes us unique?  What makes us love each other and others as we do?  I have only one answer.  God.  It is only because of His love in us that we want and can do what we do.  As I said, we are not special, but together we have been able to do great things, for us, for each other, and for others.  I cannot even list the many people who have been served, and served well because of the network.  Not to our detriment or expense, but to our pleasure and joy.

While I was going through a divorce and caring for two babies, two of the single brave ones in the network actually left their home in the big city to move to my funky suburb - to the same block where I lived.  The reasoning was ‘she’s going to need help.’  Now THAT is the network at work!

Meems

The little gray girl came to us several years ago.  She needed a place to stay for the weekend while her relatives were being relocated.  Helpless and needy.  Tiny and shy.  Skinny to the point of possibly malnourished.  But oh so adorable!!  The truth is that we weren’t looking for her.  Weren’t interested in adopting a little girl.  Didn’t even cross our minds.  The kids fell in love with her and years later she’s part of our clan.  For our family this was huge.  It was moving completely to the other side – the feline side.  Historically we had been ‘dog’ people.  It was unheard of.  It was like an abomination.  But it took only two days for us to see the light; to be converted.  To buckle under her spell and to plan a life with the little lass. 

She’s precious.  When the kids were younger, she was a not just a pet.  She was like a little sibling to them.  Many made up bed time stories were about her.  Every night she sleeps with one of the kids; and when they’re not home, she has to sleep with me.  She’s not aloof; she’s loving and sweet and never met anyone she didn’t like – as long as they scratch her head.  She’s a perfect pet.  Out most of the day, but inside when I get home.  She’s a great companion.  On long stretches without the kids, she’s a little being to come home to.  Someone to say hi to, feed and take care of – even if that chore is so small.  It’s the fact that she’s there.  She gifts me with her cries and purrs next to me.  There is never a lonely day with her.

Oh we’ve had our moments.  Like the time the house became infested with fleas and we were eaten alive by the parasites.  It took bombs, sprays, baths, and a lot of praying.  We just didn’t know what to do.  Or the time when she took up biting.  Of course, not having any history or point of reference, we just didn’t know that we were there to please her.  Scratching her head for a few seconds didn’t work for her, so she took to biting.  Silly humans!  But no matter what she brings, Meems is still the perfect little girl!

Quiet

Peace.  Tranquility.  Joy.  Steadfastness.  Contentment.  Relaxation.  Renewal.  Refreshment.  Quiet means different things to many people.  I know some individuals who do not like quiet.  They are uncomfortable with it.  They have to turn on the TV or radio or iPod.  Some folks go window shopping, go visit friends, go out to eat or the movies, anywhere so they won’t be home in the quiet.  I don’t claim to know what’s best for everyone.  I’m sure if I asked I would get a ton of answers why some don’t like quiet.  But I don’t get the need for noise.  To me there’s perfection in being still in the quiet.  Absolutely tranquil and in thought.  It’s exactly as the expression that says ‘I can hear myself think.’  I have an opportunity to really think, really analyze, and truly delve into a thought.  It’s an opportunity to relax and examine yourself.  Contemplate and dig into your beliefs.  Not trying to get all Zen; just real.  How would we assess a critical issue if not by giving it complete value and time?   Anything that is worth doing, anything that requires our attention, whatever we must work on or re solve should have our full and undivided attention.  For me that’s quiet. 

Now, we all know there’s no perfect quiet.  I can be at home in silent mode, but it’s never completely noiseless or soundless.  I hear birds once in a while.  I may hear the air conditioning going on or off; or the fan rattling just a tiny bit.  My cat’s stealthily walking through the kitty door; and dare I say it, the texts!  But on a good quiet day, even those noises become background and not the point. 

Day's End

Thankful for a very productive week.  I'm sure like many people out there - not easy; a lot of work, a lot of issues, things to take care of, things to resolve.  But it was a good week.  And now the end of the day with the usual grogginess and fatigue.  Thankful I have a break and can rest from it all.